So I’ve been nursing Baby C to sleep at 7pm ish these few days and she’s been falling asleep like a pro. Only to wake up 30-60 minutes later while I’m having dinner with her Grandmother, crying.
Sometimes it’s from a gassy stomach that upsets her and wakes her. Sometimes it’s some ridiculous sound that scares her awake. Sometimes she’s just upset no one is by her side when she stirs awake to check. Like today. Once I was done with dinner and stayed put by her side for the rest of the night she slept just fine.
So The Mister is out of the country for 2.5 weeks for work. Before he left, I jokingly asked him how he felt about having a holiday from home because he does A LOT at home. He spoils me dreadfully and I unashamedly accept it. I didn’t linger on the subject because I was mindful he was still going to be working while he was away but I was and still am a little envious that he gets to have a mental time off from caring for our baby, as cute as she is.
I love the little kid, no doubt. But I am feeling the strain of constantly having to keep a part of my brain ever vigilant and alert to the baby. Having to constantly be alert to her cries that would tell me she’s hungry, tired or upset. Constantly alert to react lightning quick if something untoward happened to her. If she was napping I had to be constantly alert and check up on her every 10 minutes or so that she was doing fine. And also constantly hoping she would have a solid sleep to give me some time to just do my thing.
I don’t miss The Mister as much this time round as compared to the first time he travelled out of the country. Partly because I knew he needed this break to refresh his heart, mind and soul.
A big part was that it’s a break FOR ME too!
My mom is around to help fill the gap and help take care of lil’ Miss Deng aka Baby C. And although I still have to alert and mindful about Baby C, I am more relaxed and I actually have more time to myself, especially when my mom takes her out for her walks and I can relax more deeply by myself. When The Mister is around, the three of us do more things together so there’s really less individual me-time overall. I am more than gleefully happy to let some grandmother-granddaughter bonding time take place.
It’s good for Baby C, good for grandma, good for me. It’s the best win-win situation.
So why no drawing since I’ve got more time on my hands? I’m too busy catching up on some Korean dramas, learning Chinese and just dumbing down here and there and I love it!
Before I got pregnant I never consciously thought of breastfeeding and what it entailed. I had a vague idea about how great it was but was told that it could be more painful than childbirth itself (not true)! I knew I was going to breastfeed fully even though I didn’t know much about it for two big reasons:
- God created breastfeeding and His “products” are always the best. It was for the same reason I avoided C-section, taking epidural and opted for natural. I did get slapped with gas though I had said no earlier and I was glad they did! It was the least intrusive and I’m no snob… I really needed the help, especially with the episiotomy!
- The best health benefits and FREE? Somebody said FREE?! That sealed it for me to be honest. Oh wait. It reminds me, I avoided C-section and taking epidural because they cost a lot more and I said no to gas because I wasn’t sure if they were going to charge me for it. But didn’t complain about them ignoring my refusal to take gas because they didn’t charge me for it! Can you see a pattern here? But it’s still true I did want to avoid them because I felt they were too intrusive!
While breastfeeding hurt like mad the first two weeks, once my nipples got hardened, it was smooth sailing since. Especially when I mastered how to latch the baby while lying down! Ahh sweet sleep… both the baby and I could get the feeding done even when we were both sleeping through it. I’m still nervous though about what it might be like once Miss Deng has teeth and starts chomping at them.
I can’t say I enjoy breastfeeding! It’s a necessity to me. I think I would be so happy getting my body back from the baby… since right now I feel she owns it. I want to diet and get back to shape, but I’ve to eat well to feed her well and my schedule belongs to her hunger pangs. Just this afternoon I had my lunch and right afterwards she called out for her lunch. So I laid down to feed her and before long I was sleeping the afternoon away with her. How to lose weight?!
And yet the trade off is just so worth it. This is a minor sacrifice to set up a foundation of health for her future. So I just remember the rallying cry mothers must simply repeat to themselves, “The nights are long but the years are short.”
I might one day just miss these days and wished I whined less and enjoyed it more!
We both caught a cold and have been praying Miss Deng won’t catch it from us. We’ve also been sleeping with masks on and Miss Deng woke up this morning looking at me quizzicaly since it’s the first time for her seeing my face covered.
So far so good. Yay for breastfeeding and the great health boost it gives to the baby!
Breastfeeding (and a bloated postpartum body) has limited my public fashion sense these days. It needs to be easy to feed Miss Deng and it needs to avoid making me feel self-conscious about my body. So this outfit happens to be the ONLY outfit that fits the bill and it’s all I want to wear (except on the days when I think ironing the outer layer shirt is too troublesome).
So I tried to “mix it up” a bit on a day I was rushing by not buttoning it! Hoo haah! Revolutionary wasn’t it? 😒 It was a good thing The Mister shut it down quickly enough.
His profession has moulded him to be more conscientious about carrying oneself properly before other people but he’s still working hard to help me step into my role as a pastor’s wife. On most days, I do feel I’m closer to being a gangster than being the stereotypical pastor’s wife. The former is so much easier, being the passive aggressive rebel that I am, than being the latter. Thankfully all I have to deal with, for now, in this new identity is the way I dress because he’s a Chinese pastor and my grasp of the Chinese language isn’t fantastic. I can conveniently side step engaging with people’s expectations over a pastor’s wife, for now.
I’m thankful all I need to do, for now, is to dress according to what he thinks is proper! Being a Mommy and breastfeeding makes it really easy for me to do this too since there’s no reason at all for me to dress up and look hot (hotter than I already am in The Mister’s eyes anyway 😄).
Remember, don’t drink and drive!
Mister Deng’s reflexes are now automatically attuned to my post-partum gas! I could just say flatulence. Or fart. But post-partum gas sounds more classy and much less embarrassing. My husband’s a survivor, that much I can say!